Assertiveness – overview

4 key parts

1. Self esteem – Feeling good about yourself
2. Self knowledge – How you feel and that you would like to happen
3. Respect for others – Listening to feelings and needs
4. Clear communication

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Think about yourself

• Feel good about yourself
• Acknowledge what you’re good at
• Rate yourself
• Accept praise and handle criticism
• Believe in yourself
• Take responsibility for yourself
• Ask for what YOU want
• Allow yourself to make mistakes and change your mind
• Recognise your responsibility towards others

I have the right… To be me To be treated as an equal To ask for what I want To an opinion To disagree To be wrong To say “I don’t understand” To make decisions To express my feelings and say what I feel To be independent To choose To be assertive To be treated as a person To be consulted and involved To be human To instigate progress/development/change To change my behaviour To be a PHCT member

Assertiveness helps you identify what your needs are

Assertiveness in communication

• Name the person
• Be specific
• Say what you feel
• Say what you wou1d like to happen
• Discussion and action
  • listen to what others say
  • reassure that you have heard
  • repeat what you want to happen
  • suggest compromise
  • ask for alternatives
  • agree compromise

Guilt is a waste of energy

	Assertive	Aggressive	Passive
Appearance	relaxed	tense	apprehensive
Posture	upright	domineering	collapsed
Eye contact	direct	staring	minimal
Facial expression	responsive	taut	fawning
Hands	relaxed	agitated	limp
Voice	confident	strident	hesitant
	efficient honest critical	argumentative macho critical indecisive impatient	timid apologetic indecisive

Some assertive rights to consider

• To be treated as an equal human being
• To state my own needs and make requests of other people, recognising their right to refuse
• To express my feelings or opinions without having to justify them
• To change my beliefs and behaviours
• To choose not to accept responsibility for others and their feelings and problems
• To say ‘I don’t know’ or ‘I don’t understand’
• To ask for more time or more information
• To say ‘yes’ or ‘no’ and not feel guilty
• To make mistakes and to take responsibility for them
• To choose NOT to be assertive

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Assertive skills training reading list

• A Woman In Your Own Right Anne Dickson Quartet ISBN 0-7043-3420-8
• When I Say No I Feel Guilty Manuel J Smith Bantam Books ISBN 0-553-02268-7
• Assert Yourself Gael Lindenfield Thorson ISBN 0-7225-2652-0
• Self Esteem Gaei Lindenfield Thorson ISBN 0-7225-3017-X
• Games People Play Eric Berne Penguin ISBN 0-14-002768-8
• What Do You Say After You Say Hello? Eric Berne Corgi ISBN 0-532-09806-X
• I’m Ok, You’re Ok Thomas A Harris Arrow ISBN 0-09-955241 -8
• TA for Teens (And Other Important People) Alvyn Freed Jalmar Press, California ISBN 0-915190-03-6
• Feel The Fear And Do It Anyway Susan Jeffers Century ISBN 0-7126-2555-0
• Inward Bound Sam Keen Bookcraft Ltd. ISBN 07499-1244-8
• The Cinderella Complex Collette Downing Fontana